When I was ugly….

I tried to love my ugly self and pretended I was proud but the more I did that the bigger grew my suicidal cloud. I tried once or twice maybe six times. I learned it from the movies; it seemed an easier alternative.

I am black. I am extremely black. My nose is not pointed and my teeth aren’t perfect. My skin isn’t flawless and my hair isn’t nice.

I never was called handsome or cute unless the speaker was being abusive or rude. I never felt special or wanted unless the attention given was unwarranted.

I tried to love my ugly self and pretended I was proud but the more I did that the bigger grew my suicidal cloud. I tried once or twice maybe six times. I learned it from the movies; it seemed an easier alternative.

I literally held my head down when I walked. I knew every crevice and crack on my neighborhood side walks.

Life was rough and mean and unkind. Nothing ever seemed fair or right.

I was misunderstood and ganged upon. I had friends but I stood alone.

I once was accused of playing the victim and my accuser I am sure was convinced. It really hurt for he never knew me but clearly thought he did.

However, I forgave and it never mattered anymore. I forgave and I took the power back from them. I forgave and said to hell with those who thought I was ugly, am ugly and was worth being thrown away. I forgave because I really wasn’t ugly!

No…really… I truly forgave… and I wasn’t ugly anymore!

Best,

From Nico’s Eyes

30 thoughts on “When I was ugly….

  1. I used to be the same. I understand every word u just said but there comes a point in my life when I decided like u that I am beautiful no matter what people say. I was wonderfully made in HIS image. I still have my insecurities but I know that I’m wonderfully made. You have to first love you for who u are then u will fine happiness. FYI you are wonderfully made

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “Ugly” is a label we stick on people who look a little different than us. It is what is inside that’s important – and believe me, the “ugliest” person will look beautiful when their spirit shines. Oh, by the way none of us are perfect! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Good writing Nico, this is an avenue to express your inner thoughts and by doing so you never know the value and impact it will have on others who are yet to burst their exprive shell. Writing is a wonderful exercise which will cultivate an objective mind and fuel your your thought process

        Liked by 1 person

  3. In a world of smoke and mirrors…. one’s true essence is found when he ventures within… and that, you have done indeed, young sir… feel like a proud daddy reading this blog, keep them coming! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The revelatory ending line stood out in such beautiful contrast to the emotions behind the rest of it. What a lovely story of triumph, urging us all to accept and appreciate who we truly are!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Its said that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Well, if one sees u as ugly after reading this, that one is ugly from within, and its affecting his sight (lol). Great poetry, man. Could you please serve us continually with this good stuff? Thanks. Lol. Do your thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. you will never be good enough by other people’s standards. you’re either too fat, too thin, too tall, too short, too bossy, too passive, too conceited, too shy. trying to please others is an injustice to yourself. this was poignant and naked and i appreciate you for having written this. i am sure you have helped many more people than you thought you would have by baring your scars. looking forward to great things from you. KEEP WRITING!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Certainly a piece that would inspire and speak to a lot of people. Thanks for sharing and I urge you to continue this journey of yours! I hope you find exactly what you need. The only limits you have is the ones that you give yourself! So proud of your progress. Keep up the great work 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  8. We have all been down “that road” before. Its a tough world we’re living in and our greatest weapon to guard ourselves is faith in who we really are as a person and the knowledge to know that perfection is a disease as queen Bey would say. Surrounding ourselves with love and positivity is the key to happiness… Namaste.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks Nico for putting words on something that happens all the time and everywhere. Thanks for expressing what happened to me when I was younger and to make me feel that I’m not as bad as what was said … seriously, thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Thank you so much for writing this, some people tend to forget that feeling ugly is something that can have an important impact on people. I remember me feeling really ugly and being so depressive when I was a bit younger and it makes me sad to notice that it happens to a lot of us.
    Even though we’re not models, it’s very important to love ourselves for what we can bring to others (like joy, respect, love …) and not only for the image we reflect (is that correct ?).
    I really liked what you wrote because you put the right words on everything. Thank you again 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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